i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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