it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
