you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
