So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize