Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
