Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
