i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize