I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
