she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
