this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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