Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
my poor anus
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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