I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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