Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
