She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
