Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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