Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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