I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize