Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
