Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
