I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
