FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
