If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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