I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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