Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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