I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
