There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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