She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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