yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
