Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
