Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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