Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
