Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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