just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
