this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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