What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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