Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
