I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
