a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
