Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize