Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
