Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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