Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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