We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
