Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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