i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
