p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
