I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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