i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
