I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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