I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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