you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
