Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I came so hard my ears popped.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
