did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
