got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize