I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize