Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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