Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
