At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
