im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
