so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
