i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
