Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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