I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
It was confusing and full of hummus
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
