I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Can Purell be used as lube?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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