I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
