covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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