i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
