let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
