That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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