Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
