Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
