I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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