I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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