I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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