she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
