Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
