So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
