I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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