dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
