Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
